Man—Woman—Birth—Death—Infinity

Man—Woman—Birth—Death—Infinity

(Television’s Ben Casey, 1961-1966)

Reflections after the Burial and Celebration of Life of My Friend, Johnny Harvey

(1944 - 2011)

There are times in life when we as human beings actually slow down and think about and reflect on the things that are really, really important.  The death of a friend is one of those times.  This past week I spent time at the Wetumpka Nursing Home with friend, Johnny Harvey, who was dying, and with his wife Carolyn.  Johnny had been seriously ill for a year and a half, with many, many bad days and thankfully, some good days as well.  He alternately had infections and times free from infection, times of lucidity and times of confusion.  Through it all, Carolyn and his family and his friends, both from Trinity Episcopal Church and from outside Trinity stood by him and prayed for him.  We also stood by Carolyn, and she by us.  Carolyn was a beacon of light and God’s presence among us during these times that were so difficult for Johnny and for her.

On Thursday as Carolyn and I prayed for Johnny and anointed him with Holy oil for healing, many thoughts and feelings passed through my mind.  Healing, by the way, often means a peaceful death and a perfect rest in the nearer presence of our Lord.  This was certainly true in Johnny’s  case.  As we sit in the presence of a loved one who is dying, the first realization is that we can do nothing.  It is enough to be there, to hold our dying friend’s hand and for those of us keeping vigil, to hold on to each other.  This can certainly be a time for tears, a time for laughter, a time for sharing memories and a time just to sit and be quiet.  The second century B.C. preacher says it best.

3For everything there is a season, and a time for

every matter under heaven: ² a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; ³ a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up; ⁴ a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance; ⁵ a time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; ⁶ a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to throw away; ⁷ a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; ⁸ a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace. (Ecclesiastes 3)

When we gathered on Tuesday at Trinity Episcopal Church in Wetumpka, Alabama to celebrate Johnny’s life and funeral I, and I am sure, many others opened our hearts and souls to the many feelings that had been washing over us the past few days.  I thought about Johnny and Carolyn and their love for each other, and about their children who love them even though their lives have taken them far away.  But, I also reflected on the people in my life who have changed me and pushed me and loved me and even those who have hated me, because they all helped to make me who I am and to make me stronger.

I thought about my forty year marriage to Lynn and the trials and tribulations we have been through together and about the good times.  I thought about my feelings for me son, Seth, who lives too far away to see on a regular basis and how much I love him and how proud I am of him.  I felt the presence of my parents: my dad who died way to young and how much I miss him.  I thought of my mother who I am blessed to still have in my life, who is 88 years old and lives only two and one-half hours away and what a blessing it has been to live close to her these past five years after living so far away for so long.  I also thought about my three brothers and many wonderful friends who have made a big difference in my life and many of us have actually gotten to know each other as real people just in the past few years.

One of the strongest feelings that swept over me in these past few days has been that of life as a gift from God and the people in our lives as gifts from God as well.  Having said that, what really touched my heart is how important it is for us to live every minute of every day to the fullest.  The greatest promise Jesus ever made to us was that “I come that you might have life and have it to the fullest.”  Life to the fullest, life in all its abundance, life as gift, life in relationship with God and God’s people, this is what we are called by God to do with what we have been given.  To borrow from Robin Williams’ character in the movie, “Dead Poets’ Society,” ‘Carpe Diem,’ ‘Seize the day.”  This day is the only day we have.  We do not know how many others there will be, so love long and hard, give and receive unselfishly and “live life to the fullest!”

I close with the words from a tape of Johnny singing at his daughters wedding.  This was played before the gospel at his funeral.  What a powerful statement of the love of the man who sang it and of the presence of the Holy Spirit in all of our lives.  Thank you Johnny for being our friend, and for teaching us how to live.  “Rest in peace and may God’s perpetual love be with you always.”

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The Rose:

Some say love, it is a river,
that drowns the tender reed,
Some say love, it is a razor,
that leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love, it is a hunger,
and endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower,
and you, it’s only seed.

It's the heart, afraid of breaking,
that never learns to dance,
It's the dream afraid of waking,
that never takes the chance.
It's the one, who won't be taken
who cannot seem to be,
And the soul afraid of dying,
That never learns to live!

When the night has been too lonely,
and the road has been too long,
And you think, that love is only,
for the lucky and the strong!

Just remember, in the winter,
far beneath, the bitter snow,
lies the seed, that with the sun’s love,
in the spring, becomes the
Rose..