Jesus, Divorce the Church and the World

Jesus, Divorce and the Church and the World

Mark 10:2-12: Some Pharisees came, and to test Jesus they asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?" He answered them, "What did Moses command you?" They said, "Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of dismissal and to divorce her." But Jesus said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart he wrote this commandment for you. But from the beginning of creation, 'God made them male and female.' 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."

Then in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. He said to them, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another, commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery."

Every couple of years the above Gospel or a similar one from Matthew shows up as the reading for worship on Sunday.  It is my firm belief that in a society and in a congregation where over one third of the people present have been touched by divorce that a preacher must preach on this reading and not take the easy way out and preach on the Epistle or the Old Testament.

At 4:00 a.m. on Sunday morning, while drinking coffee and meditating on the day’s sermon, two thoughts from my past showed up in my mind.  I share them with you because I believe that are relevant to Jesus’ teaching on divorce in today’s church and today’s world.

The first unbidden story that entered my mind took place in 1974 when I was doing construction work, building a Monsanto Plant in North Alabama.  I recalled a discussion with several crew members in which one man asked: do we really want a governor who is an adulterer?  My response was that Governor Wallace’s wife had died and he was free to marry.  The response was based on the Gospel from Mark.  “Yes, but Cornelia is divorced, and by marrying her, Governor Wallace is committing adultery.”

The second story to enter my mind was about a family of the church in which I grew up, in which the children and parents had different last names.  It took several years for it to dawn on me that one or both of the parents had been divorced.  That just did not happen in 1960 in Alabama.  What I did understand was that the parents were two of the finest Christian people I knew and that their family was a place of love and care and safety

My reflections on Jesus, divorce and the people of God grow out of this unbidden memories from my past.

I believe Jesus taught against divorce for several reasons, including a desire for people to have strong, safe and caring relationships.  But I also believe that Jesus understand the reality of his day and time.  “What will happen to women if their husbands divorce them?”  (Women, of course, could not divorce their husbands).  The reality in Jesus’ day was that the women, if fortunate, could go home to their father’s family.  If not the two most likely possibilities were that they would become either beggars, or prostitutes in an effort to take care of themselves and their children.  I believe that Jesus had practical as well as spiritual reasons for his teaching.

Marriage was about many things in Jesus’ day, including responsibility.  Biblical marriage was also about property, even the admonition in the Ten Commandments had at least as much to do with the wife as property as it did with faithfulness.  Biblical marriage also allowed for multiple wives and concubines and for the stoning of women who were caught in adultery. (You may remember Jesus’ forgiveness of the woman brought to him for stoning.

Having briefly looked at our history, how does Jesus’ teaching apply to those of us who follow him today?  First, I believe marriage is a sacred commitment based on love and respect as we see in the Letter to the Ephesians 5: “husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. . . .wives respect your husbands.”  In today’s world that love and respect goes both ways.

Even though things are better economically today, there are studies that show that women very often end up worse off economically after divorce than men do.  So there are still practical considerations when divorce is an option in a couples lives.  I do believe that the respect must continue, even as couples look at going in two different directions.

As late as 1972 and 1973 the Episcopal church, of which I am a part used to excommunicate divorced people, baring people from communion and the fellowship of the church at the very time in their lives when it is needed most.  We have since realized that compassion is more important than judgment in the church.

The reality today is that some marriages need to end in divorce.  I say this believing that no one likes divorce, even people who have been or will be divorced.  There are simply times when two people need to acknowledge that a death of some kind as happened and that the healthy action for all concerned, even children involved in a family is to respectfully move on.  This is not to say do not work on your marriage through counseling and spiritual direction but that when a couple realize that they are doing more harm than good to each other, themselves and any children involved, that the loving act may be to end the marriage in as healthy a way as possible.

I close with my dream for couples who divorce.  I would love for them to come back to the altar where they were married and where they asked God to bless their marriage and where the people present promised to “uphold these two persons in their marriage.”  I would like to have those some people present, plus children and other loved ones promise to “uphold these two persons as they move in new and different directions in their lives.”  Then we would send them out with God’s blessing and God’s assurance to be with them all the days of their lives.”